Retreat, retreat !!

During the formation process for the Permanent Diaconate, all aspirants and candidates, along with their wives, attend an annual formation retreat each August. During my formation we have had three retreats at the Malvern Retreat House. For the past two years, we’ve moved back to St. Charles Seminary to accommodate a growing formation community.

The purpose of the retreat is clear. Before charging into a new academic year of classes, workshops, papers and exams, we retreat from our daily responsibilities to move closer to our ultimate goal as diaconate candidates: to deepen our relationship with Christ.

Historically, our retreats have always been a balancing act between trying to quiet down and wanting to socialize with classmates we haven’t seen in several months. In the weeks leading up to this year’s retreat, however, I felt differently about it. I knew it would be my last year in formation, and I wanted to experience a deeper sense of pulling back from the world in order to prepare for whatever might lie ahead.

The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius once said: “Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.” And while that may be true, I felt the need to super-size my own upcoming retreat experience by removing any external obstacles to that journey within. And so, with my family’s blessing, I arranged to go on a retreat by myself before the formation event.

 The Holy Mountain

Sunrise on the mountaintop of Graymoor

For the past twenty years, I’ve been going to a Franciscan monastery called Graymoor in Garrison, New York. Located about 40 miles north of Manhattan, Graymoor was built on top of a small mountain that is also home to a section of the Appalachian Trail. On a clear day, West Point is just barely visible from the top of the mountain.

Graymoor is the home of the Franciscan Friars of the Atonement. I’ve been to the “Holy Mountain,” as it’s known, many times during significant periods in my life. It’s become a point of reference for my spiritual life, and the place where I first experienced the desire for a vocation many years ago.

As it turned out, the weekend was exactly what I was looking for. There was plenty of time for prayer and meditation, and I spend a lot of time in the small chapel at the top of the mountain.

I remember sitting in the same choir stall in the chapel on many visits before I was married and before becoming a father. This was another ‘big moment’ visit when I asked for God’s help through this final period of discernment.

The chapel houses a statue of St. Francis, which is placed above the altar. There are only two statues like this in the world, and the other one is in Assisi, Italy. The face of St. Francis is clean-shaven because it was made from the death mask made at his passing in 1226. Looking at the statue of this man whose spiritual example lives on to this day gives you the feeling of actually seeing Francis the man, and knowing what he looked like. Many people don’t know that St. Francis was also a deacon! It is said he didn’t feel worthy of ordination to the priesthood, and so agreed to be ordained a deacon.  I can only hope to understand that kind of humility some day.

Statue of St. Francis of Assisi

Leaving the mountain on Sunday morning, I felt more centered and prepared to participate in our formation retreat, which was only two weeks away.

 On the second weekend of August, the 83 men currently in formation, along with their spouses, descended on St. Charles Seminary in Wynnewood.  The theme of the retreat was the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. Our director for the weekend was Fr. Gerard McGlone, SJ, Ph.D.  Fr. McGlone is the Executive Director of Consultation, Education and Research at the St. John Vianney Center in Downingtown, PA.

Between workshops with Fr. McGlone that focused on scriptural meditations relevant to our present places in formation, we had a full devotional schedule. Mass, Eucharist Adoration, praying the rosary, celebrating the Sacrament of Reconciliation and Liturgy of the Hours made for a busy couple of days.

   

Milestones along the way

Newly Instituted Acolytes with Bishop Daniel Thomas

During this particular retreat, my classmates and I were also called upon to participate in Masses and prayer sessions as acolytes and lectors – ministries that we had been instituted into during previous years as we moved along in the formation process. Before the reforms of Vatican II, a number of minor orders preceded a man’s ordination to the transitional diaconate. At that time, a man entered the clerical state via tonsure - the shaving or cutting of his hair - then the minor orders of Porter, Exorcist, Lector and Acolyte were received before the major orders of subdeacon, deacon, priest and bishop.  Since Vatican II, however, the minor orders were pared down to the institution of two ministries: lector and acolyte – ministries from which our lay lectors and acolytes are derived. The process of tonsure, minor orders, major orders was replaced with Candidacy - entering into formal consideration for Holy Orders - and the institutions of Lector and Acolyte.

Claire, me and Chris

The members of our class were instituted as lectors in 2007 and as acolytes last April. As instituted acolytes, we are vested in albs and cinctures when assisting the deacons and priests during mass, and while leading the morning and evening prayers of the Liturgy of the Hours.  During this retreat, I was assigned to be acolyte for Saturday’s Mass, and led the Sunday morning prayer session.

And end…and a beginning

My class is particularly social, with men from a wide variety of backgrounds and professions. We have earned (and enjoyed) the reputation of being somewhat loud and rowdy when we get together – and this retreat was no exception. The fact that this was our last formation retreat was on the minds of many of my classmates. I think I heard every one of my 17 classmates say at some point during the weekend: “Can you believe this is our last retreat?” and “Boy, did those six years go quickly!” And they were right -- the time did go quickly.

On Saturday night, several of us met up at one of the outdoor patios to enjoy the warm summer evening.  One of my classmates broke open a box of expensive cigars, and I joined this group in raising a cloud of cigar smoke while we talked about the year to come.

While imagining what the future holds is exciting and a little frightening, it is only in the present moment that we live. It was in the moment, the eternal now, that the Ignatian exercises of the retreat focused our attention. We looked at various parables and gospel stories and meditated on the meaning of this scripture at this precise moment in our lives. What passages were we drawn to as individual men and women at this moment in our lives? What passages of companionship were we as couples drawn to in our roles as diaconate candidate couples? What “action” passages were we drawn to as people in service to the church?

In the end, the formation retreat was as I anticipated: too much to do, and too little time to do nothing. There was too much to absorb and ponder from Friday night to Sunday morning. But the “retreat into the soul,” as Aurelius said, can be done anytime, anywhere – it’s an inside job.

Between the quiet and stillness of Graymoor, which reminded me of where I had come from, and the spiritual whirlwind of the formation retreat that focused on the present moment, I think I’m now ready to begin to move forward into the new year.